What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
