We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
