You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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