I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
