Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
