And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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