Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
