It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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