we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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