If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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