it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
