i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
