Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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