It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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