i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I love having hate sex.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
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