Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
