She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
