o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
