Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
