There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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