my being single is dangerous.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
