He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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