Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
