wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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