Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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