Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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