he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
