I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
