I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
