Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
