Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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