Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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