My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
