He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
