we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
