i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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