I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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