If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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