Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
