Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
