? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
