Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
