I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dear god my vagina.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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