I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
