Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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