Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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