So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
