fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
