my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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