I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
