So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I need moral support for this bender
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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